Hello, Yahoo readers! My name is Brett Arnold, film critic and longtime Yahoo editor, and I’m back with another edition of Trust Me, I Watch Everything.
Wicked: For Good is expected to have the biggest box office weekend of the year, but it’s not even the best “part 2” out today, as Sisu: Road to Revenge easily bests 2022’s Sisu — and the Wicked follow-up is sadly a letdown.
At home, a pair of new releases is now available to rent or buy in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You and Shelby Oaks.
And on streaming services you’re likely already paying for, Train Dreams, one of the very best films of the year, sneaks its way onto Netflix, and the latest Conjuring flick debuts on HBO Max.
Read on, because there’s more, and there’s always something for everyone!
🎥 What to watch in theaters
My recommendation Sisu: Road to Revenge
Why you should see it: The 2022 revenge-action film Sisu was a treat for fans of over-the-top, stylized violence. It was a movie about a Finnish man becoming a one-man army and killing a bunch of Nazis in 1944, his determination to exact revenge after the death of his family making him literally immortal. It was pretty fun, but it got a little repetitive by the end. There are only so many ways to kill Nazis!
Thankfully, its sequel, Sisu: Road to Revenge, learned from its predecessor’s mistakes and delivers an even better film that has no problem one-upping itself throughout, delivering intensely gory action set pieces that are so increasingly creative, each and every kill got an actual laugh from me. They found a bunch of new and exciting ways to kill bad guys!
Our hero from the last film dismantles the house where his family was murdered and loads it onto a truck to rebuild it somewhere safe. He soon finds himself in a violent cross-country chase as the Red Army commander who killed his family comes back to finish the job. That commander is played by character actor Stephen Lang, most recently of Avatar and Don’t Breathe fame, and his presence ups the ante in a big way.
It goes from a Mad Max: Fury Road-inspired sequence to a “what if the plane in North by Northwest had a turret and bombs,” at a moment’s notice. It’s essentially a feature-length chase scene, involving everything from tanks and trucks to planes and trains.
It’s an absolute blast and a marked improvement on the original in just about every way. It sets the tone right up top with a ludicrous kill that made me guffaw and stays that ridiculous and fun throughout. And it’s all wrapped up in under 90 minutes. Bring on Sisu 3!
What other critics are saying: It’s a hit! William Bibbiani at TheWrap writes that it’s “everything you could want from a rough-and-tumble, tough-as-nails action movie.” The Los Angeles Times’ Amy Nicholson calls it “the action spectacular of the year” that she likens to “a scrappy, indie translation of Mad Max: Fury Road.”
How to watch: Sisu: Road to Revenge is now in theaters nationwide.
Bonus not-a-recommendation: Wicked: For Good
Why you should skip it: Moviegoers across the world are about to discover something that theater fans have already known for years: The second half of Wicked is far from Good.
The first half of the musical features all its most memorable songs and has enough of an identity to carve its own path despite its origins as, essentially, Wizard of Oz fan fiction. The closer the material gets to that original text, the deadlier it becomes, and Wicked: For Good is almost entirely reliant on references to the beloved classic.
The second half of the play has no songs worth mentioning, so the movie version attempts to fix this by adding multiple original ones — but they’re even worse. It feels like any other modern update of beloved intellectual property, in which they hope the audience will clap and bark like seals at the mere appearance of a reference they understand.
Remember the Cowardly Lion? Here’s how he got so cowardly! You know the Tin Man? Well, he was once a normal man! The movie opens with the Yellow Brick Road being paved! It’s Easter egg cinema at its worst.
Now demonized as the Wicked Witch of the West, Elphaba lives in exile in the Ozian forest, while Glinda resides at the palace in Emerald City, reveling in the perks of fame and popularity. As an angry mob rises against the Wicked Witch, she’ll need to reunite with Glinda to transform herself, and all of Oz.
Wicked: For Good is so patently silly that it makes you wonder how and why Wicked became such a long-lasting phenomenon in the first place. It’s so far removed from the highs of the first film, and that first half of the play — the earworm that is “Popular,” and the rousing barn-burner finale that is “Defying Gravity” — that it retroactively taints the entire experience and will have you questioning if you were too kind to part one.
Wicked: For Good lays bare that splitting the adaptation into two parts was an absolutely disastrous decision. They turned a two-hour, 45-minute play (with intermission!) into a nearly five-hour film, and you feel every second of filler. It’s vamping at feature length! One could feasibly watch the entire Broadway musical twice in the time it would take to marathon both parts of the movie adaptation, which is absurd.
The simple fact is, Wicked: For Good becomes insufferable as soon as it ties itself in knots to connect to The Wizard of Oz, saving all the inane plotting for this one. Ariana Grande’s performance is consistent here, but Cynthia Erivo feels lost at sea and bored with the terrible material and arc for her character, giving a noticeably less animated performance than before. And don’t get me started on the washed-out and ugly digital look of it all, despite the colorful sets.
It’s shocking how much worse Wicked: For Good is than last year’s blockbuster smash hit. It’s so DOA that the packed house audience I watched it with sat there in stunned silence throughout, every joke and emotional beat landing with a thud to the degree that the dead air really filled the space. That was not the case with part one. It’s one of the biggest disappointments of the year, though it’s sure to make so much money that its director is already threatening a part three.
What other critics are saying: The response is more mixed than it was for Wicked. The Telegraph’s Robbie Collin calls it “irritating” and says “the corporate stretch-it-out-and-wring-it-dry approach here has been deadening.” Pete Hammond at Deadline loved it, however, writing, “The visual effects are first rate” and that it “flies even higher” than the first. Wow!
How to watch: Wicked: For Good is now in theaters nationwide.
But that’s not all …
Rental Family: Brendan Fraser’s follow-up crowd-pleaser after his Oscar win for The Whale is this light and sweet and sad trifle. Struggling to find purpose, an American actor lands an unusual gig with a Japanese agency to play stand-in roles for strangers. As he immerses himself in his clients’ worlds, he begins to form genuine bonds that blur the lines between performance and reality. It’s one of those emotionally-affecting films that you can see and feel manipulating your emotions, but it’s effective nonetheless. Fraser is terrific in the lead role, which slyly and effectively uses his real-life career as shorthand for the character. — Get tickets
💸 Movies newly available to rent or buy
My recommendation: If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
Why you should see it: Rose Byrne is absolutely sensational in this extremely unpleasant and stressful movie that many have described as “Uncut Gems for moms.”
With her life crashing down around her, a mom tries to navigate her daughter’s mysterious illness, her absent husband, a missing person and an increasingly hostile relationship with her therapist, who just so happens to be played by Conan O’Brien in a wonderfully droll performance.
One could view the film as a feature-length birth control; a missive that acts as a PSA about what it’s really like having a child, if that child were to have an ailment that essentially took over the parents’ lives. The daughter only appears as a voice nagging offscreen, her face appearing just once at the very end, and it’s such an effective stylistic choice that puts the audience squarely in Byrne’s headspace. The anxiety of simply keeping your child alive and never having a moment to yourself is deeply felt here.
Director Mary Bronstein has discussed how her daughter’s suffering from an illness at a young age inspired the film, which makes it all the more harrowing that it’s pulled from reality. The film is a character study of a mother constantly on the edge and seemingly losing her own identity in the process; it may not be fun, but it will stick with you, and it features a ferocious lead performance that’s one of the very best of the year.
What other critics are saying: It’s one of the most well-reviewed movies of the year! Brianna Zigler, writing for the AV Club, says Rose Byrne has never been better and calls the film “stunning” and “brutal.” Time’s Stephanie Zacharek writes that the film “is hardly full-on punishment, and in places it’s bitterly funny. But in the end, it’s an enormous relief to walk away from Linda’s problems. Our own don’t seem so bad in comparison.”
How to watch: If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is now available to rent or buy on Apple TV, Prime Video and other VOD platforms.
Bonus not-quite-a-recommendation: Shelby Oaks
Why you should skip it: This horror film from well-known YouTube film critic Chris Stuckmann starts off strong with a creepy extended prologue but quickly goes off the rails when the real movie starts.
In Shelby Oaks, a woman’s search for her long-lost sister becomes an obsession when she realizes a demon from their childhood may have been real, not imaginary.
It sports the atmosphere you’d hope for from something so heavily indebted to The Blair Witch Project, at least up top, but is so clumsily made that when it transitions from its fake documentary style to a real movie with a late opening credits drop, I thought I was witnessing the intro to a fake Netflix true crime show within the movie. That confusion aside, it loses all momentum once it has to reset and become a regular film.
Amateurish issues such as this distract throughout, like when the lead character gets blood on her face and then just continues to have blood on her face for the next several scenes, nobody in her vicinity letting her know that she might want to deal with that.
By the time the spooky plotting kicks in, it feels like you’re watching a mash-up of several generic horror premises with the film committing to none of them. It simply doesn’t leave much of an impression.
What other critics are saying: It’s a stinker! The Hollywood Reporter’s Richard Lawson writes, “There is a fine line between reverent homage and cheap pastiche; Shelby Oaks largely exists on the latter side.” Dennis Harvey at Variety says the “mix of found-footage, missing-person, demonic-possession and other stock narrative hooks too often feels like a compendium of ideas from other movies Frankenstein’d together, with too little effort put towards finding a personality of its own.” Exactly!
How to watch: Shelby Oaks is now available to rent or buy on Apple TV, Prime Video and other VOD platforms.
But that’s not all…
Kyle Chandler and Diane Lane in Anniversary. (Courtesy of Lions Gate/Everett Collection)
Anniversary: If you haven’t heard of this movie despite the A-list cast, you’re not alone! It was buried for what many speculate are political reasons. It’s a thriller about an American family terrorized by the rise of an authoritarian government that uses drone surveillance, militarized police and internet control to demand obedience. When Ellen and Paul’s son introduces his new girlfriend one afternoon at their 25th anniversary party, no one suspects that it is the beginning of the end for this happy family. The new girlfriend is Liz, Ellen’s former student, who left the university some years before, after Ellen called her out in class for her radical ideology. It’s an ambitious conceit that doesn’t entirely work, despite some very good performances. Rent or buy
📺 Movies newly available on streaming services you may already have
My recommendation: Train Dreams
Why you should watch it: The deeply moving Train Dreams is, simply put, one of the very best films of the year. It’s a seemingly small film that’s actually as grandiose as it gets, tracing the life of a single ordinary man and in the process becoming a treatise on life writ large and what it all means, and how we can’t ever really possibly begin to understand until we’re at the very end of it. It’s also about the beauty and interconnectedness of the earth, and how we’re just as much a part of the fabric of it all as the trees and the dirt, and those who came before us. It’s hard to describe but transfixing to watch unfold, scenes flickering in and out like memories.
Robert Grainier (Joel Edgerton) lives all of his years in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, working on the land, helping to create a new world at the turn of the 20th century. It’s a character study from birth to death as a man tears down trees to build the railroads that will connect the country, and all the tragedy that befalls him personally in the process.
What I found most striking, besides the absolutely stunning and gorgeous cinematography, is how the narrator pauses to give context, like noting when a man suddenly drops dead of a heart condition, that he was born a generation too early for that ailment to have been easily rectified by modern medicine. How it could be a decade before you encountered a mirror and saw your own weathered face changed by the years. How chopping down trees that have stood for 500 years has to “affect a man’s soul,” whether he knows it or not.
Are things different now, or have they always been this way? Are we just naturally rougher in our youth and softer in old age? It’s a film about finding meaning in life, and that quiet profundity absolutely knocked the wind out of me by the end. I haven’t been this deeply affected by a film in quite some time, so much so that I ordered the novella it’s based on immediately afterward.
What other critics are saying: It’s beloved! Lindsay Bahr at AP writes that it “might veer a little too close to sentimental at times, but perhaps that’s an intentional respite from the aching loss at its core.” Peter Bradshaw at the Guardian calls it “lovely looking” and “deeply felt.”
How to watch: Train Dreams is now streaming on Netflix.
My bonus recommendation: The Conjuring: Last Rites
It’s impressive how much The Conjuring: Last Rites works. The series goes back to its roots here and follows a family in a spooky haunted house situation. The Warrens, the (in)famous paranormal investigators, return to take on one last terrifying case involving mysterious entities they must confront from their past.
These movies are all based on real-life cases the Warrens investigated. This one is no different, dramatizing and Hollywood-ifying the story of the Smurls from West Pittston, Penn. The “this time, it’s personal” story here involves the Warrens’ daughter Judy and adds an emotional center that these things usually don’t have — and I’ll be damned if I didn’t find it kind of endearing.
There are several set pieces in the film that are creepy and tense and effective, and others that are well-executed jump scares — at least one of them actually got my butt out of the seat.
The movie delivers where it needs to, though it does feel way too long, at a not-so-brisk 135 minutes, with an endless second act. It doesn’t do anything new, but it does what the franchise does well to such a degree that it leaves a good impression.
What other critics are saying: It’s a pretty even split. William Bibbiani at TheWrap writes, “As a scary movie, The Conjuring: Last Rites is a generic film, neither good nor bad. It’s practically begging audiences to judge it on a ‘pass/fail’ basis. As the conclusion of the Conjuring series, it’s a little more successful, but not much.” Variety’s J. Kim Murphy says “the story ends up on-rails and the stakes seem smaller than ever, despite a bloated, franchise-high runtime. That this highly derivative horror series bottoms out by over-investing in the Warrens is a sure sign that it is well past its utility.” Hard to argue with either!
How to watch: The Conjuring: Last Rites is now streaming on HBO Max.
But that’s not all…
Indy the dog in Good Boy. (Courtesy of Shudder/Everett Collection)
Good Boy: A loyal dog moves to a rural family home with his owner, only to discover supernatural forces lurking in the shadows. As dark entities threaten his human companion, the brave pup must fight to protect the one he loves most. It’s a clever take on the idea that in horror movies, animals are usually the first to notice that something is amiss. Indy, the dog who stars in the film, somehow manages to turn in an incredible performance, which is the highlight. Now streaming on Shudder.
After the Hunt: The performances are largely great across the board in the latest film from the prolific Luca Guadagnino — Julia Roberts! Andrew Garfield! Michael Stuhlbarg! — but the script is so contrived and meant to inspire discourse that the whole thing ends up feeling like a rather empty provocation, from the Woody Allen font right up top all the way through the end credits. Now streaming on Amazon Prime Video.
The Roses: This new take on The War of the Roses, a book that was already adapted in 1989 in the memorably bonkers Danny DeVito film starring Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas, features Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch as the titular couple whose divorce gets … let’s say homicidal. It has its moments, but it’s far from memorable. Olivia Colman is terrific and very funny, as always. Now streaming on Hulu.
That’s all for this week — we’ll see you next week at the movies!
Looking for more recs? Find your next watch on the Yahoo 100, our daily-updating list of the most popular movies of the year.
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